I don't like Sundays

The sun is shining through my roof-light, it's bright in here, I just got up. And suddenly everything looks more positive than last night, I don't feel like the world is collapsing on top of me anymore.

Maybe it's just the Sunday after all? If I look back: the negative, whining and aggressive posts are written on a Sunday.

Or maybe I just realised why I am having such a hard time making things move. Because everything always just came my way without me having to do much, taking a lot of initiative. I was a good student. At school, I hardly studied for the first 8 years and still was among the top four of my class. During the last four years of school, I had to do a little more... I didn't kill myself, like others did and still was 10th best in my class level with a hundred students.

Then university. At first, it came like a shock. We have to study! There are students that have advantages I don't have. The ones that have grown up bilingual, those who spent a year abroad after graduating from school. And suddenly it wasn't enough to be intelligent. But that was the first shock. Soon I realised that even those put their pants on one leg at a time. And I caught up.
Studies are the time to party - and I partied a lot. My best friend, my "classmate", is very industrious, always was, always will be. She hardly partied, studied five, six hours beyond classes on an average day. It is undisputed that she did great, she graduated with the best possible GPA. But I was only one grade below - without sitting behind my books for hours, copying my notes every day and taking my dictionaries to bed with me. I partied, I went out, I had fun. And I was a student research assistant to my professor, twice!

First job in a city of unemployed people? Difficult. I found something, a small work that just earned me some extra-money beside the "parental stipend". The next two jobs - after my second degree - almost found me instead of me them. I browsed the website of the local Adults' Education Centre, one week before the beginning of the new term and they were desperately looking for me. One year later, my current job practically fell into my lap.
Oh and I should mention: when I was really actively and intensely searching for work, I found nothing. In L., 15 applications - not a single offer, in B. 36 (!) applications - lots of "we would love to but..", "not now but.." and also some "---".

Why am I saying all this? Not to brag, even if it partly sounded like it. No, just to clarify that even now, I expect things to turn around, to get better again. And I will wait, keeping me busy with other activities, enjoying the fact that I have time - for Hindi, photography, baking, running, crafts... to name a few.