Sunday, July 5, 2009
Imbalance
When I look at my latest posts, I see that it's mainly pictures or poems or a mix of both. Every time I try prose, just narrating what I think the result is crap. I feel imbalanced, I'm unhappy with my writings, I feel it's superficial and meaningless, just blabber. That's the reason my other post of today got deleted - self-censoring.
Maybe it's because I'm unhappy with myself at this moment, with my life. I'm achieving nothing, I'm inactive .. and don't tell me it's good to be lazy sometimes. I'm like a lizzard without enjoying to be one, I risk to get caught and lose my tail. It's just a figure of speech but you know what I mean.
I have lost the ability to express my thoughts, lost the "knack" N. said I have. Or have my thoughts just become plain boring? Maybe both.
I can't finish anything, not even the smallest task. I hate it that I am like that, hate that I can't seem to change it.
There is no inspiration to paint either. When I think of all the things I have to do this week, it scares me to tears. I panic in a way that I get completely paralysed and I have no one to talk to about it. It's worse today than other days .. must be the Sunday effect. Let me try to get over with the day and look tomorrow in the eye.
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6 comments:
Hmmm....what can i say? There are moments like these, but they should pass.
Though they won't..... without an active effort from our side.
talldarkman
I know .. I blame it on the Sunday ;-)
come Monday, my life takes a turn for the better
i was reading about nihilism before i read this. It all makes perfect sense in a paradoxical way..meaninglessness when imbibed as a given helps transcending the frustration.
```````Ash
dd
we cut out a funny figure when we stand with our libran scales and try to find the balance between sand and water-
can we sometime talk about what about what never inspires us - that will help us sieve better?
ash - *smiles* I guess so..
vish - what?
sis - yes we should
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