100 Ways To Kill Your Laptop

"Windows is trying to initiate software.." (a software that you had been using for the past five months without any problem). You are trying to install an update to a program and after making you wait for several minutes, it succinctly tells you "X has encountered a problem and needs to close. We are sorry for the inconvenience.". Every time you insert a DVD, start the DVD program and just think about maximising the window, your entire system freezes. And of course your computer takes an eternity between the moment you press the On-button and the time you can safely start using any software.

I don't know about you but in these situations, I get so angry at my laptop that the word "DESTROY" is blinking red in my eyes. Feel the same? Here's what you can do:

1 - Be careless. Use a cheap, not cushioned bag to carry your laptop and don't be particularly attentive when it comes to avoiding obstacles. Move your laptop abruptly while it is switched on.

2 - Drop it. That one is definitely the fastest method and doesn't require further explanation. Depending on how much time you have at your disposal, let the laptop fall from your desk onto a chair or the floor.

3 - Hit it. Your laptop doesn't do what you want it to do? The system froze? The Internet connection is flaky? Hit it, with your flat hand or fist. This is even more effective if you know where exactly its "heart" and "brain" are located.

4 - Drown it. Works just as well with plain water as with ginger tea, coke, milk or any other fluid of your choice. If you turn the laptop around and dry it carefully, it might survive the attack but who would want that?

5 - Squeeze it. Squeeze it? Yes, squeeze the display. The procedure is simple: You bend the upper part towards you to easily access the laptop's back where you want to pull a number of plugs. Instead of holding it by a safe corner, you keep your fingers about 2 cm further down. When you're done unplugging and bend the display back to the initial position - oops, black screen!

These methods are tested and approved by me personally, I know that they are efficient. For numbers 6 to 100, I hope for your contribution. So if you have ever willingly or unwillingly harmed, damaged or killed your laptop (somebody else's works just as well), please don't hesitate to share your tips :-D